So many cobwebs on this page it's hard to find a space to write!
It's been a while. I've been busy. I wrote and performed a 20 minute piece at The Marsh a couple of weeks ago.
In the time leading up to the show I went all kinds of crazy.
There were a lot of reasons behind the craziness. I had to let my writing group go awhile. And my solo performing group has disbanded for now. And I worked with the very brilliant David Ford who is amazing and gifted and ...quiet and a little intimidating for me.
I realized I'm kind of a basket case without my core support family of artists. I realized I still need hand-holding and outside validation and reassurance. I realized I freak out more than I actually work on my "art" (in quotes, not because it's not really my art, but calling it "my art" sounds pretentious).
This time I didn't have a clear idea of the meaning of the piece--for me personally or for my audience. Because I was so stressed and insecure I circled around the meaning without really closing in on it until the day before the show. The day after the show I closed in a little more.
The piece I ended up doing was serious without much comic relief. One of the characters I portrayed was very much like me and I had find to ways in which we were different, blow them up without making a caricature of her.
I kept editing and writing and editing and writing and didn't do as much rehearsing as I should have because editing and writing are much less creepy and terrifying than acting alone in my living room. Than filming myself acting alone in my living room. Than watching myself on film acting alone in my living room.
The performance went well. I got lots of good feedback from strangers and my family and from my lovely group of supportive friends--many of whom are performers accompanying me on this journey.
And from David who accused me of being way too much of a perfectionist when I told him I hadn't nailed one of the characters.
The whole perfectionism thing has worn out its welcome. Seriously. This is what's at the root of my craziness and fear.
Here's what helped me:
This quote (passed along just yesterday by Xiaojuan Shu--an up-and-coming solo-artist whose work I love):
"Talent is a long patience and originality an effort of will and observation."--Flaubert
And this, by the fabulous Ira Glass
http://vimeo.com/24715531
And this, from Eric Fischbien, a performer I've yet to meet or see in person. He posted this on FB in response to a question about how people deal with pre-show jitters, butterflies:
It's been a while. I've been busy. I wrote and performed a 20 minute piece at The Marsh a couple of weeks ago.
In the time leading up to the show I went all kinds of crazy.
There were a lot of reasons behind the craziness. I had to let my writing group go awhile. And my solo performing group has disbanded for now. And I worked with the very brilliant David Ford who is amazing and gifted and ...quiet and a little intimidating for me.
I realized I'm kind of a basket case without my core support family of artists. I realized I still need hand-holding and outside validation and reassurance. I realized I freak out more than I actually work on my "art" (in quotes, not because it's not really my art, but calling it "my art" sounds pretentious).
This time I didn't have a clear idea of the meaning of the piece--for me personally or for my audience. Because I was so stressed and insecure I circled around the meaning without really closing in on it until the day before the show. The day after the show I closed in a little more.
The piece I ended up doing was serious without much comic relief. One of the characters I portrayed was very much like me and I had find to ways in which we were different, blow them up without making a caricature of her.
I kept editing and writing and editing and writing and didn't do as much rehearsing as I should have because editing and writing are much less creepy and terrifying than acting alone in my living room. Than filming myself acting alone in my living room. Than watching myself on film acting alone in my living room.
The performance went well. I got lots of good feedback from strangers and my family and from my lovely group of supportive friends--many of whom are performers accompanying me on this journey.
And from David who accused me of being way too much of a perfectionist when I told him I hadn't nailed one of the characters.
The whole perfectionism thing has worn out its welcome. Seriously. This is what's at the root of my craziness and fear.
Here's what helped me:
This quote (passed along just yesterday by Xiaojuan Shu--an up-and-coming solo-artist whose work I love):
"Talent is a long patience and originality an effort of will and observation."--Flaubert
And this, by the fabulous Ira Glass
http://vimeo.com/24715531
And this, from Eric Fischbien, a performer I've yet to meet or see in person. He posted this on FB in response to a question about how people deal with pre-show jitters, butterflies:
"I really internalized that
as a performer you must accept that you cannot deliver a great play if
you are not willing to go out and deliver something less than perfect,
less than it will eventually be. I thought of artists who I love, and
some of the lesser things they have done and realized that if in the
event it doesn't get quite the reception I was hoping for, that it's all
part of a process. Really embrace that, and then step out on stage and
have some fun!"
Some great stuff, right?
So here's the deal:
I have about six weeks to finish writing a new piece and to get it on its feet for the Santa Cruz Fringe Festival.
I know I can I do it but I want to do it without the anguish.
I know I can't eliminate all of the suffering. I also know that some of the chaos and craziness is actually good and part of how art is born.
But I want madness in moderation.
I have a plan I'll share with you tomorrow.
Sweet Dreams!
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