Smatterings...

 Snippets of things overheard and a character of mine in church...

"It was the Illumination of nothing"

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“I went for forty days without drinking wine once, so I know I can do it.”

“Days? What about nights?”

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“I actually get excited about who I might meet when I go somewhere on a plane.”

“Really? I dread meeting people on planes. I hold a book in my hands which is my way of saying ‘Fuck off!'"

**

I'm in a church which always makes me uncomfortable.  At least it's a catholic church—they are so much more interesting than protestant churches with the statues and the incense and all that rich color. There's this sculpture of Jesus splayed out on the cross. Feet and hands nailed there, arms above his head. I realize he has no body hair whatsoever—not even under his arms and I think to myself:

Jesus Shaves

And then I snort out loud.  Jessica elbows me but I can’t help it.  I'm thinking maybe the bible never meant to lead people to believe that Jesus saves. It was that he shaves.
All a big misunderstanding!