Day Fourteen: Imperative

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very;" your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.  ~Mark Twain

Today's exercise comes from The 3 AM EPIPHANY, by Brian Kiteley

"Write a fragment of a story that is made up entirely of imperative commands; Do this; do that; contemplate the rear end of a woman who is walking out of your life. This exercise will be a sort of second person narration (a you is implied in the imperative)" 500 words

Brian Kitely recommends reading Lorrie Moore's book, Self Help  for excellent and funny 
 examples of this technique. 

 Later 

Imperative Exercise

by laurie guerin

When your very best friend Tina tells you to cut sixth period with her and go to the beach, bite your lower lip and look scared. Tell her you’re not promising anything. Then promptly tuck your French-cut bikini into your book bag, glance back at Tina and dissolve into laughter. Laugh until your laughter turns into in a high-pitched squeal that makes your dog, Shilo point his nose to the ceiling and howl repeatedly. When Tina complains that Shilo is tripping her out, command him to stop. Stand in front of your mirrored vanity and in this order; spritz yourself with Love’s Baby Soft; slick your lips with one more coat of Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers (Dr. Pepper) and hang the giant tube around your neck; feather your hair with your huge Goody comb; put the comb in the back pocket of your Dittos jeans; grab your Exiles tape and your book bag and head for the door. When your brother shouts not to let the dog out, say, “No Doy, Mike,” and leave.

Get into Tina’s orange Mazda RX2 and pop the Exile tape in the cassette player. Press and stop the forward button until “I Wanna Kiss You All Over” comes on. Say “Tell me about it,” when Tina says this is her favorite song in the world. Say, “Totally to the max!” when Tina says the lead singer Jimmy Stokley looks like the actor on Kung Fu. Say, “Tell me about it,” when Tina says Peter Frampton is a billion times foxier. Laugh in a high pitched squeal and push her on the shoulder when Tina sings, “I want himmm…to show me the waaay..” Twist the rearview mirror toward you as you approach Leland High and in this order; spritz yourself with Love’s Baby Soft; slick your lips with one more coat of Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers (Dr. Pepper) and hang the giant tube around your neck; feather your hair with your huge Goody comb; put the comb in the back pocket of your Dittos jeans; grab your Exile tape and your book bag and head for first period.

Go to all of your classes until fifth period lets out. Go to Tina’s car and wait for her. Feel your heart rate pick up when you see Tina make a bee-line toward you. Notice that Julie Thomson is behind her. Notice that next to Julie Thompson is Christine Crawford. Feel your smile freeze on your face because you hate Christine Crawford’s guts. Say “Whatever,” and roll your eyes at Tina when Christine calls front seat. Notice that Tina does not roll her eyes back. Worry that Tina will try to act all cool with Christine around. Bend forward at the waist to flip your hair before getting into the backseat. Notice that Tina doesn’t say anything when I Wanna Kiss You All Over comes on and Christine says it’s the gayest song ever. Consider telling Tina to stop the car. Consider telling Tina that you are not going if Christine goes. Consider telling Tina that it’s Christine or you. Imagine Julie Thompson looking at you with admiration and saying she feels the same way but has never had the guts to speak up. Imagine saying “Well, what’ll be?” to Tina. Picture Tina looking at Christine and saying “Sorry, but what my best friend says, goes.” Imagine Christine shrugging and saying, “Suit yourself,” before slamming the door. Picture getting into the front seat before Tina peals away from the curb. Picture laughing with Tina and Julie Thompson until you’re all crying and Tina has to pull over to catch her breath. Stop imagining when Christine rolls down her window and asks who in h-e-double-toothpicks is wearing a gallon of Love’s Baby Soft. Feel the wind from Christine's window whip your hair into a frenzy. Say nothing.