Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Solo Journey 12 Days

That's 12 days until we open.
Yesterday I had my first freak-out. I ended up going to bed 2x during the day. Felt sick and unable to face the work ahead.
I question this whole thing. I wonder if I should perform my own writing or leave that to the pros. Then again, is there anyone who would want to perform my stuff?
I like the idea of what I've written having an immediate, live audience. Not sitting on a shelf or on-line waiting for a reader.
I like hearing the response both during and after a show. I like knowing that something I wrote touched someone, made them feel less alone.
And yet...
This shit is terrifying!
What helped me first poke my head out from underneath the sheets and then get back on my feet was encouraging feedback from Gillian (thanks, Gillie!) and the fact that I'm doing this whether I feel ready or not. And I'd rather feel ready. 

I accidentally stumbled upon a really good trick for getting unstuck.

I promised myself (and my dogs) to go on a long walk. I had planned to record my script and transfer it to an i-pod (to memorize while I walked) but both of my i-pods had issues. I grabbed my script, a pen, and the dogs and walked anyway.
I read the script aloud as I walked, memorizing a paragraph at a time, tweaking a bit here and there, adding some, cutting some, laughing aloud over changes that made the script funnier, reading in character on the spot. The dogs weren't thrilled with all of my stops, my neighbors undoubtedly think I'm a nutcase, but it was invigorating and liberating and I arrived home confident in the work, ready to rewrite and work some more.
I also sat down today and, from memory, wrote the script word-for-word only getting hung up on one phrase. I'm talking about six pages. I usually spend hours listening to my own voice over my ipod until I can't stand the sound of myself. I still have to get to the point where I can do speed-throughs, but this worked amazingly well.

Worked with MarNae, our director today. She worked her magic and added a ton of dimension to the piece.

My ongoing challenge, especially as the day draws near is to keep my anxiety from blocking my creativity.

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